it’s never easy for any, me to know a new person / thing/ name and fame / and anything about in a short span of
time. but , for me it must to be an practical assignment
proved to be an interesting exercise in exploring to its best.
they have been difficult, these days. i have tried to remain calm
& composed, maintain an impassively happy face in front of
everybody, my family, my friends and even myself. but something inside
still burns and hurts even though i think that i have stopped caring. there's something that still lingers around and surfaces whenever i am
alone, or in a group, when i am happy and when i am sad. it always comes
around, leading me into isolation even though i am in crowd. i
found myself burning with hot fever, a fever never seen on the outside
but slowly increasing as the time goes by, and waiting to strike when it
gains strength enough to burn me down with a single flame. as i said,
something still burns in the deepest corners of my heart and mind.
realizing these horrid and terrifying emotions i run. i run to escape
the cruel thoughts that are blasting my mind. i looked around myself . i was in a Pantaloons ,
walking unknown to my mind, and going wherever my legs carried me. and
lo! i woke up to find myself in the ladies section. the scent of
delicious perfumes in unmistakable. i turned around to find rows and
columns of Bvlgari, Lacoste and what not brands lined up for the
display. i turned around again to find myself staring at a fantastic tee. just like the one i wanted to gifted her.
i realised the fever reaching my earlobes. i touched them, they were
burning. i run my hands over my neck, they were warm. i thought it’s best
to get out. i get out of the mall to find that i was in a mall. i saw a
Cafe-Coffee day after one traffic ,it was just in front of me and i run into it, literally. the feelings were
getting stronger by the second. i could see her, i could see her smile, her short hair like face, i could see her eyes blinking
at me, those dark brown eyes which said so much and never spoke a word. i could see…
it’s time i get a hold of myself. i sat alone on a table for two and
asked the waitress to bring me some tissue paper.
meanwhile, i touched my earlobes again. they weren’t hot anymore, but
warm. the extra blood was still circulating, but it will cool down i
thought. i thought of ordering a cappuccino, i never do that. i don’t like
hot coffee much. in fact, i don’t like coffee much; not even tea . but hey, hey… i was in a coffee shop. so i looked through the
menu. i finally ordered a grande latte topped with whipped cream along
with a butter croissant. the order arrived within a minute and the
smell of butter fills my nostrils with great expectations. the latte too
was looking promising. i took a sip of it, it’s good. it’s good even though i
don’t like coffee. in fact, i never like coffee.
i smelt the drink, its intoxicatingly bitter and it reminded me of him. it reminded me of a line of the book i am currently reading.
“The scent of bitter almonds
always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love.”
i guess i can replace the almonds with coffee. no, i can replace them
with clothes, or songs, or cakes, dancing, beautiful girls, couples… oh damn it, i can replace it with life.how can i replace him/her as of he/she is with me from 19 years...
The scent of life always reminds me of Her.its said by someone gorgeous person, writer ...
i draw a heavy breath. i can’t write anymore. i can’t even
write anymore. the drug that has always made me calm as i pour out
myself on the paper is also contaminated with her. i reflect why? why is she here? why is she in my writings? i know the answer; it comes to me
in a flash. she is the reason i started to write. she is the
inspiration, she is the aspiration, she is the destination of
my writing. everything i write, i write with her in my mind. and so today she
is there, still there when i write. always.
it’s raining heavily outside. i could see the roads from the
glass front cover the CCD. i was looking at the people who are hurrying in in
groups, and those who were just standing in groups outside, waiting for
the rain to stop. i turned towards the inside of the place and i could see
the few empty two- seaters of CCD, few tables occupied by families
and some with couples, and some couples outside the cafe roaming the road. everyone was with someone. if they were not, they were buying
something for somebody. no one was alone except me, and the empty chair
opposite to me.
i sat alone at my table, smiling to myself. i didn’t know the
reason for my smile. i think it’s a sad smile. perhaps, it’s just
another involuntary cover i have to protect my true self from the world.
i have no idea why, but i don’t care anymore. i know that writing is
the weapon . it will
cross them; it will lead me to freedom – freedom which will finally
grant me happiness and joy. i’ll be happy again, and i will sing again,
good songs, happy songs. another smile sprouts on my lips. i think it’s a
happy smile.
i was watching the empty glass in front of me. i like cream a lot and it was certainly up to my expectations. there was a small piece of the croissant left in my plate. i guess i’ll
finish it and pay the bill. i was lil calmer then. and i guess that time it’s safe to leave the cafe den, mix with the crowd. and joined into the rain, get
wet.
but i know, something still burns inside, and it’s just a matter of
time before it grows strong enough to burn me down.
something still burns inside.me jyoti..win me over take me out ,,
