Writing is personal, emotional and being rational to my own state of journey. mostly story of two loving sisters and their emotions, own feelings, gratitude, my own individual commitment !!
#lovingyou #lovingme.. happy Nomad..blessed wife !!
one anonymous mailed me one Hindi version of my blog of @@ uuf yes ,missing you
..... thnx for the Nice four line stanza.. and this is here am sharing your translated version... few Short but really appreciating you for this ..thank you ...
Teri aankhon ke darriya koo utarna bhi zaroori tha... Haan zarori tha....
it’s been two week… kind of tired with things which have not been
smooth so far and finally i had to take the decisions with the Professors.
finally i back to home.. it’s a decision made with a heavy heart because since the last six seven months i had on crowded pace . but, the situation is not the same and the almighty is guiding
me. life is like that we win some we lose some.. but what is within our
hearts is the most important…
though the student life in the college campus is different,still i could not enjoyed myself there, just feeling as something gotta already changed !
all i love to walk in college campus but there i could not ! something already lost . just feeling as lonely in the min crowded 3000 students march ....
in mid of track line , tennis court , swimming pool ....students corridors ...student events ....life is like different , everyone smiling with some jokes ,but mine just faded ...
personally, i cannot blame anyone or circumstances, true ..but, it
was not meant to be as well and even there are better options available to me. ?? i
really do not know what i am writing, and why i am writing ?? it’s really strange as to how i am
fidgeting about the past event which took place. it feels as if i have
flunked my exams. i also shouted when my mom asked. there is something
which is not going smoothly since it’s very rare that i loose my
cool. i need to do something to feel
better../.
well, i am not revealing anything now, not after i talk to
someone. but,it was important to blog since it enable me to
express, whether it is fury, utmost angst, frustration or whatever must be
dancing in my psyche right now. in the meanwhile, i have just misplaced
the electric bill which my mom gave me to pay..i can’t remember where i last put it in a flick. strange and untoward
things been happening in my otherwise strange life.
the world must be
going mad at my antics and me too going wrong in my own direction...why ? is it ..i have to put an end to my madness..what it's really blowing as wind on my mind ..i am being fudged by my own mindset.now,why am i fumbling on the blog?
all i am feeling terrible.that should be my blog status,if there is any /all.i fucked up things today but it happened to unforeseen
circumstances
or provoked by something which failed to release the public paper at the scheduled time. i am not revealing what was the
end result or the result of this outcome in my life. and is this i am ?
we all have favorite lines, phrases,
situations . But today i am going to share what i really love ! of life . may be you are a word-lover, you are going to
fall in love with books, the lines, phrases and situation .. and i am only the ex-presser ..may be i am not so good observer ..still i gonna be share what i really love ,...and about what you really love to do ?
the corner of the room cheerfully reminds me ofoo i am still too childy,not-so-long-ago childhood
the other side in my home my room . i hug him, take a nap on him, snuggle happily. But after that
little love affair
!
i have a strong attraction to the corner do not know why, still in love with him a long ago ! and i know i
will never be too old to stop loving ever
and, when grown ups do not remove my childhood from life ! when
talks are not always about latest phones, technology, peer pressure,
weight loss, marriage, coach bags but about plush toys, pencils, new
style sharpener, multi-colored backpacks, wallets ...few things as always
someone asked me why i love him so much. i had to smile – “Why should children have all the fun?!” then why not me ?
from the beginning, the 20 days after my birth, as my mom told i always LOVE to take shower ! the corner of our home ! all i love our bath place a more and more .i love the tab ..the shower .. the way water pours on my face .. the way do not want to get wet more but then my journey with him starts so lovingly !! it is really craziest moment of my life everyday !
may be i too have a lot of hobbies but this one i enjoy most , i love the sound dropping down water from the tab ..and truth, and like i have mentioned,i have mountains of thoughts for anyone who struggles with body image, addiction or any comparing oneself to another issue,but its the place where you look so wonderful each day ...
between rinsing off the soap and deciding if i should use the smelling shower gel or shampoo or soap , these
comparing my thoughts are making me feel a little
anxious a little more beautiful each day, so i do what these kind of thoughts make me do and jumped right
into the obvious female issue ,,how donot i love my body ,how donot i like myself a little more , love for me a little more when i am down and really down ! and then he finally complements me .
jyoti you are wonderful !
be as you are ! as it is !
i know the soul crushing pain of feeling less and i would not wish that suffocating space ,,but its the place where everyone as i know get relax...this is the place where i need not to wipe my tears ..this is the place where the chance of my wobbly sound never be come outside ! the soothing relief .all i want to catch my breath once more ,but how can i ? he gives me back and it is true
and this is where i think all that comparing stuff fits right back ,
and if i sit back long enough, let the warm water calm me,let the cold water hug me tight .love to play with the gel , soap ,the drops of water on my face .i actually
see it is not me, and really how self-centered to ever think it was? i
do not know if it is even them. i think it is the biology, and the
control that biology has over with the soul.
few days back this song got released ...here the song i enjoy @@ shower and.....
maybe that is it ,the crazy part about that all the consuming body image issue, and the issues (like competitions, excessive
righteousness, being number one), is its power.
all i want to stand in the shower all the time ..the peace ..the words he says everyday ...the touch he gives me every second i enjoy and i do love ..ummha !
and then mom sounds so angrily jyoti just come out now ! you will finish all the tank or what ? Lolz
and what more i love ,i will share too shortly my friends .... ,i will be back with
i think a good idea would be to start the process all off with a bit of
pampering, so with a very special friend i went out for ! so it was time off, i went . yes i do live life on the edge it seems, but is it ? of course i got lost and couldn’t find , but something i really like with this , something is here, something was there in between, in my midst, so i go in, past the sign that says. yup i am not going to duck out of this.
all of this, of course doesn’t frighten me, far from it, quite the
opposite and causes me to ask a bevvy of personal questions about
him/her piercings and clarification which results in a lot of “ooohs” and
“aaaahs” ,, '' ohh no '' from me.
i will say at this point that i have only my memories , so i am
really a ''human being '' a ''girl '' a ''sister'' a ''grand daughter'' a ''daughter'' ''for someone i was everything'' having inside thought a lot ! i definitely will not get
to adorn myself as jewellery, but i just HAD to have this done. so i chose blogging rather than anything .
nearly pass out from the time span of necessary cleaning, rather than the actual event. i look in the mirror and am very happy, beautiful as always ! however from my memory-lane , how can i pass anyone who really in my daily pages, daily needs?
so my day is finishing this way ..12-3-6-9-12 ...as you will see , my day was full of random moments of delight and twists and turns...my life going on hence !!!
i found myself weeping uncontrollably, the weeping you do , it was a shock for me, it felt like the end, the whole world as just left me in middle cross road alone. why ? am i so funny looking ? am i so heartless ? am i so deadly ?
anyways ,coming to the point why i am here - the only answer-i have been on so many face-book pages, chat places,twitter page , but then on those pages i really can not vent out my feelings. what this doing
to people then if it cannot able to ? all i want my mind, i want to keep what sensory pleasures i can
to enjoy life, and this is the way such ...ummmhaa to blogger ..!!!!! This continued with me getting me back from increasingly frustrated but somewhere somehow i am enjoying myself !
fact in my life, i see the rising
sun only two or three times in a year...in the busy schedule or might be for my laziness or may be other kinda reason , but i love Sunrise.i love how
orange - ish the world turns to,,, how fresh that blue shade of the sky
looks once it gets enlightened.
my eyes get soaked with moist or
memories, from our new home ! as if the dark nights to welcome the
new morning.... there’s something about mornings that makes all of us
awake...
there’s something about it... some well-kept secret that no human
beings know this...no one ?
the morning in hostel, the morning in home, the morning form somewhere else all are really different ,but memories are there in my heart as always ..
in a week or so i will start a new journey
on old roads and i will see many sunrises for some time.
this year is
different, it was supposed to be different and filled with many
sun-kissed mornings on my cheeks or on my foreheads .but where are you ?
and then i wake up today morning ,thinking of you !
that charms us in the morn, hides in the womb of an un bloomed bud for the fear of being lost in the gripping darkness unfolds it as the bud blossoms into its eternity. the drops of rain falling on the leaves in the plants of the garden, promise us to meet again in the waves of the sea where it greets me with its loving touch feeling lost in such a beautiful garden! we will for sure !
i love your eyes and the way it looks at me makes me go so craze at you the silent language spoken by your eyes makes me go so craze at you i love your eye leads and the way it diverting me back which always i wanna go so craze at you the silent instruction given by your leads gives me another hint to go so craze feeling your eyes in my eyes the best part of my life ! the silent language spoken by your eyes was made my life more romantic all i ever wanted was to get myself lost for ever and ever in your smiling eyes ,but ? this but remain forever and ever !
How relationship changes over time?, I wonder;Love looked so real and in present times and one moment, I forgot that we are no longer together; We poured our hearts and emotions in scribbling letters to each other;
When I read yours, I felt your heart speaking to me; Is love a myth transferred to the piece of paper and pen; Can the pen be blind to the changing tones of human emotions and passionate kisses poured in the letter?
wonder how relationships changes over time few days left .... count down already started...Dear, God please !!
“Life is an everyday struggle and we tread on our path, no matter how
much the going gets tough. One should never abandon hope since there
is always light at the end of the tunnel.”– Dear Google
disappointments, tears, sadness, romance and, of course, the heart pounding moments that made me the person that I am today.
each person''s own phase to ....
life can be a bitch.. and you have to get up @!
is it the same life ?
sit , think , remember .. what you left ,the conversations like we had about movies and almost anything that matters seem like yesterday only...
life ''s note !!! at an extended point ..
What are some (or one) of the things about which you usually don’t trust
your own judgment, and need someone’s else’s confirmation?
do-not know when i started falling in love with him ? as i remembered so many years ago..i always aimed for him ,for the stars ,for the moon , for flying in the sky ,the cubes in my eyes & worked sincerely aiming to my goal
..then God can you please give me the answer where my fault really was .. am i really not enough to do all ? these few question and answer in my mind roaming up randomly ...why ?? But , as i guess is it my Luck ? or i am so lucky one to get all these ? or i am so unlucky one ?
so many question too little answer and few times so many answer and few of question , why ? why i am thinking of all these and why i cannot get out these things ? Am i really so inflexible one !!!
I have not got what i deserve or my effort was so rarely ?
And finally all these answer given me the songs of Rain ... the today raindrops dropped down for giving me answer, just for making me lively @!! just for me
and i am about to touch just to share few of my untold unshared feelings with him .in love with the rain .as always why ??
here i am sharing this song publicly only because the song all i know get into the lyrics again and again ...as if the stanza the sound is just feeling like murmuring in my ears....
the song and the weather just parallel to my sides today ....
Never imagine one two hour silently in front of the sea made me realize whole of my life !! made me wishing my life a little different !! what i thought a life is whole wrong !! was i really living with an unpredictable life ?? why i was there ?
the day on the gallery looking towards the sea was different.... just thinking he calling me Jyoti come to me ... moments by moments i was repeatedly saying him no i m afraid of you ..please do not call me near to you !!
the day i just felt alive ..gotta long way to go ..with you ...well i felt his smell .. felt the craziness with him my life .... though i never thought the smell of the beach... many times i had gone to beach but that time was really different ..really got a scratch in my memory how the sea calling me..how he saying me ... how he warning me back !!
well the ride towards the destiny was different ..the ride was different..the riding person was different the sea was same just saying me i was waiting for you Jyoti ..come ... wanna see you !!
the silent blow was murmuring something ... Jyoti live your life ...the blow wind on the ride was saying me jyoti its your life jyoti ..go live ...do not be there ...have to move jyoti ...!!! thanx god here at least few of your substitutes still with me !!! still i never forget you ..you are in my heart ..may be you cannot picked it up !!!
though i hate to put my hand straight for requesting a lift from here to there ...for a particular place ..or some where else ..!! all i am asking him is it my really curvy life ?? is it really my life ?? i am really cannot relate it @ @ @ before ..few days back ? ,,really m i putting my hands in front an unknown person in the street ,in the road of thousands people ...hell god ... all at least, this i didn't expect from you !!! You are the beginner let me see where to where you are going to take me ..and where you track me...to the line ..
Well, the lift was different ..the person was different ..he had given me the lift when there is no auto to take me ... the place where i usually not ready to ask for the lift to the young street boys... he is the person around 65 years with an Activa ...
I do not know why i m sharing this blog with such an unmeaning-able topic ..still guys am sharing this. ..this blog for you Uncle.. i will always remember you..though i couldn't say a thanx that day ..but today i really thanking you for the lift ... i really do not know that lift will be a land mark for me for the whole life !! well Uncle for that lift i got the prize for your shake ..scored well...
thank you uncle ...this is the last option to express my feelings ..for the lift ...thanx again ...wish you a good health .....
well when i was in hostel exactly not remembered how i got attached with the audio video as well as lyrics ...any ways the songs with me .may be today is the day to share the song in my blog ....
.here my dearyz...
.many more my favorite songs are there to upload soon...its for the time to make me upload and moments to support my favorite songs ...
