wish , the smell !!

i have been hell busy for the past two weeks, not on personal front but in office. i even thought at times that i have donated my life ?? tons of work, pressure of meeting the deadlines and odd office timings are keeping me at my toes.

 

 i do not want to get bogged down with all this, so trying hard to steal some time to do what i like most. however, the more i try the more difficult it is.

 

but the resilient i am, would be back to my usual lazy self very soon! :) :)

 

everyone around me but i seems to be happy. i do not even know why i feel dull and gloomy when the weather is as pleasant as it could be. i try hard to turn that plastic smile into genuine one but cannot just wear the weight of it. i am lost into void, the emptiness inside me. the world seems to charmy  no more. i just want to run away and hide myself somewhere. i completely agree to the fact that i don’t have any reason to feel so! 

 

nothing seems to give me solace, not even my favorites activities,,,they also sound violent which are just being performed for the heck of it.

 

is this one of the feelings that only grown-ups feel at times?

 

wish the smell of feelings little different..

 

wish the smell little more distinct...  

 

version of happiness ...

each morning when i wake up, before i do anything else, smile.everything that happens to me  is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep myself from growing. all i get to choose.all i  try to keep it real. i don't have time to worry about what i am  projecting to the world. i am just busy being myself... taking doby moby snaps ... doing some meaning less works @home or some chatar patar just to keep myself busy enough .. my version of happiness ...             

i constantly check my phone for no reason.sometimes i hate being bored because it gives me a lot of time to think about the ones i miss ... a smile can hide so much. i  really don't care about a lot of things, but when i do care, i care too much..... thank you all for being with me... for caring me a lot .. thanking you for being a smile ...

i  never really stop loving someone. i just learn to live without them....

           

 whatever i have ,, i have everything .... my sadness .. my happiness .. my cheers .. all are mine and only mine..









only thing ...  whatever i have .. i have everything .. please god .. do not keep me away from those.... my version of happiness is so tiny 

...........ummmhhha

my world.....my love ....

never seen this video

 .. nice picturization .. woo kaun thi ??? 

enjoyed a lot .. love it ..

ooty

so many words, unheard,

talk to you.

listen,

or move on

with a smile

like nothing happened.all are your choice !!! with love

in between the summer ,in mid the winter

on your path ahead.

listen,

or move on

with a smile.

that inkling

all are yours..

 

 

just to say good luck...

Thaku Maa (my mom's Dadi Maa)

from my child hood as i remembered after 21 days of my birth ,when i  was very tiny  , i used to stay with my grand parents , and dis is only because my parents are students ..(dis is another story)  my life with  grand parents is the grandest part of my life then.

 

few days back in the crowded pace in my life from march,14 -- and the mean time   my very sweet  and charming grand mother (Thaku Maa)  passed away.  i was  only  400  kms away from many loved ones ,  did not bother to count the distance between us that time. it was like a cloudy horizon, an invisible line that no one cared to erase.though i missed the part very much , but could not able to attend , could not able see her face for the last time only because for some another reason i was in hospital ...for another  part of my life ....

 

the time i heard the news, my days became kind of restless. i worked more. i read more. i wrote more. i stayed out more. i did more laundry. i thought less. usually those things i do to woo away my mind from grief, whenever grief knocks on the door. i don’t cry, mostly, even though sometimes that seems the best solution. i didn’t want to gift tears to the person who gave me gorgeous memories. i didn’t know if giving back anything was possible ever. but then on third day i cried. it was not hard; wiping sadness that way was pretty much easy,,, now we all wished her peace.living was quite painful for her. we discussed a lot about her  health, life, achievements for years. 

 

she was a freedom fighter and even  retired teacher ,...
 

she was a woman of substance,immeasurable grace, wisdom and 

success............ummhaaa

 

when i was a child, all i wanted was to grow up and live my dreams. now, most of the times, i look back and wish if I could change the time, if I could stop people leaving me this way.............

 

my  Thaku Maa  ((my mom's Dadi Maa))  was a kind and hardworking woman. just like every other middle class family woman. in my very much unsettled childhood her wonderful home seemed like the permanent address for me, like a welcoming place where i could go back anytime...her telephone number was the first number that i could memorize and use, pretty frequently  .......

 

few times she used to tell me ...you have to be very strong so that i can depend on you when i’m old,” she used to tell me ..but see how worse i am .... i could not see her last face ...

she was my first teacher , even though for everyone first teacher is only mother ... but for me my  Thaku Maa  (Dadi Maa) 

 

All i want to wish her HAPPY TEACHERS DAY>>>ummhaa .  

 

refreshing # 4

as because i got attached and in love with the song once,long ago, from the day it got released ..as i remembered. 

the song is Mohabbat aap se, from

Aa Dekhen Zara

..this  song is in my play list  and the lyrics is in my mind today...

 so ,am sharing this..ummmha