CAPPUCCINO

it’s never easy for any, me to know a new person / thing/ name and fame / and anything about  in a short span of time. but , for me it must to be an practical assignment proved to be an interesting exercise in exploring  to its best.

 

they have been difficult, these days. i have tried to remain calm & composed, maintain an impassively happy face in front of everybody, my family, my friends and even myself. but something inside still burns and hurts even though i think that i have stopped caring. there's something that still lingers around and surfaces whenever i am alone, or in a group, when i am happy and when i am sad. it always comes around, leading me into isolation even though i am in crowd. i found myself burning with hot fever, a fever never seen on the outside but slowly increasing as the time goes by, and waiting to strike when it gains strength enough to burn me down with a single flame. as i said, something still burns in the deepest corners of my heart and mind.

 

realizing these horrid and terrifying emotions i run. i run to escape the cruel thoughts that are blasting my mind. i looked around myself . i was in a Pantaloons , walking unknown to my mind, and going wherever my legs carried me. and lo! i woke up to find myself in the ladies section. the scent of delicious perfumes in unmistakable. i turned around to find rows and columns of  Bvlgari, Lacoste and what not brands lined up for the display. i turned around again to find myself staring at a fantastic tee. just like the one i wanted to gifted her.

 

i realised the fever reaching my earlobes. i touched them, they were burning. i run my hands over my neck, they were warm. i thought  it’s best to get out. i get out of the mall to find that i was in a mall. i saw a Cafe-Coffee day after one traffic ,it was just in front of me and i run into it, literally. the feelings were getting stronger by the second. i could see her, i could see her smile, her short hair  like face, i could see her eyes blinking at me, those dark brown eyes which said so much and never spoke a word. i could see…

 

it’s time i get a hold of myself. i sat alone on a table for two and asked the waitress to bring me some tissue paper.

 

meanwhile, i touched my earlobes again. they weren’t hot anymore, but warm. the extra blood was still circulating, but it will cool down i thought. i thought of ordering a cappuccino, i never do that. i don’t like hot coffee much. in fact, i don’t like coffee much; not even tea . but hey, hey… i was in a coffee shop. so i looked through the menu. i finally ordered a grande latte topped with whipped cream along with a butter croissant. the order arrived within a minute and the smell of butter fills my nostrils with great expectations. the latte too was looking promising. i took  a sip of it, it’s good. it’s good even though i don’t like coffee. in fact, i never like coffee. 

 

i smelt the drink, its intoxicatingly bitter and it reminded me of him. it reminded me of a line of the book i am currently reading.

 

“The scent of bitter almonds

 always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love.”

i guess i can replace the almonds with coffee. no, i can replace them with clothes, or songs, or cakes, dancing, beautiful girls, couples… oh  damn it, i can replace it with life.how can i replace him/her as of he/she is with me from 19 years...

 

The scent of life always reminds me of Her.its said by someone gorgeous person, writer ...

 

i draw a heavy breath. i can’t write anymore. i can’t even  write anymore. the drug that has always made me calm as i pour out myself on the paper is also contaminated with her. i reflect why? why is she here? why is she in my writings? i know the answer; it comes to me in a flash. she is the reason i started to write. she is the inspiration, she is the aspiration, she is the destination of my writing. everything i write, i write with her in my mind. and so today  she is there, still there when i write. always.

 

it’s raining heavily outside. i could see the  roads from the glass front cover the CCD. i was looking at the people who are hurrying in in groups, and those who were just standing in groups outside, waiting for the rain to stop. i turned towards the inside of the place and i could see the few empty two- seaters of CCD, few tables occupied by families and some with couples, and some couples outside the cafe roaming the road. everyone was with someone. if they were not, they were buying something for somebody. no one was alone except me, and the empty chair opposite to me.

 

i sat alone at my table, smiling to myself. i didn’t know the reason for my smile. i think it’s a sad smile. perhaps, it’s just another involuntary cover i have to protect my true self from the world.

 

i have no idea why, but i don’t care anymore. i know that writing is the weapon  . it will cross them; it will lead me to freedom – freedom which will finally grant me happiness and joy. i’ll be happy again, and i will sing again, good songs, happy songs. another smile sprouts on my lips. i think it’s a happy smile.

 

i was watching the empty glass in front of me. i like cream a lot and it was certainly up to my expectations. there was a small piece of the croissant left in my plate. i guess i’ll finish it and pay the bill. i was lil  calmer then.  and i guess  that time it’s safe to leave the cafe den, mix with the crowd. and joined into the rain, get wet. 

 

but i know, something still burns inside, and it’s just a matter of time before it grows strong enough to burn me down.

 

something still burns inside.me  jyoti..win me over take me out ,,