Since you left me .........

sometimes feel very lonely. I’ve even thought that I suffer from depression. Alas, my loneliness doesn’t last very long and neither do the feelings of doom and gloom. Usually, I am back to my chipper and ambitious self in 24 hours.

 

Just last night, I felt incredibly lonely

I broke down. I cried as if a piece of me was missing. I felt a void. I knew I had to lift myself out of that state.

 

I took a shower and released my loneliness with ugly tears. When dry and more at ease, I sought inspiration. Whether it’s in a book, writing in my journal, or speaking to a friend, I also need words of encouragement to get me out of a funk.

 

I shoveled what little food I could eat into my mouth, crawled into her bed and slept the entire day. Weeks later, I rapid cycled into a fit of mania and engaged in self-destructive behavior. We all have our vices. Mine just happens to be . I planned to spend the rest of my life with, the people I considered my best friend.. . Nothing mattered anymore.

I also began to isolate myself. in my bedroom, watching movies . I watched them repeatedly every single day and cried with Helen and Mary Anne. I got lost in my writing for days. I no longer wanted to share my feelings with my friends or hear their advice and concerns, so I ignored them. But they didn’t give up. They called and text relentlessly. My friends and some other women I met via an online support group were my support system. They looked beyond my flaws and were there on those days when I was unable to function.

One thing I learned through this journey is that people suffering with bipolar disorder feel emotions at an extreme level. My doctor explained that when we feel happiness or sadness it is on a scale that most people will never experience. This is both good and bad for obvious reasons.  I wanted to stalk the social media; instead I chose to block . I can’t focus on things that have come to pass. I have to focus on my future and staying healthy.but just the three words !!!!!!!!